Archive | April 16, 2011

A letter to my heart originally written 10/04/10

Dear Heart,

I know that we dont communicate much and you are probably surprised to hear from me NOW. I realize that I am supposed to be the sensible one of the bunch. Where have I been? I decided to leave you to your daydreaming. At the time, I didn’t think there was anything really wrong with it. Day dreamers tend to romanticize the truth. Daydreaming is to fantasize and create those things that do not currently exist. The things we daydream about could be considered the desires of our heart. Right? What little girl does not want to meet her prince charming? Mr. TALL, DARK, and HANDSOME. Don’t be embarrassed.

What is my point you ask? I say all this to say that I do not fault you for what has happened? Is it your fault that you are picking up the million little pieces of your very being? No, it isnt. It’s actually mine. I did not anticipate that this relationship would end to us being shattered to our core. I am the one that has true perception of the truth. I admit that I felt immediate apprehension but ignored it. I am supposed to be the sensible one in the bunch. I maintain the catalog of all our past experiences; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I should have known better! I am supposed to be the one with the common sense.

I was initially apprenhensive but I thought I was supporting the cause of our collective greater good. I saw the truth early on when he did not return the calls or would hide his cell phone when visiting. I won’t even mention the unresolved relationships that he brought into ours. Maybe this karma coming back to bite us in the toosh. Did we care about her pain back then? I saw the big red flags like flowing blood on snow white sheets. I knew just like the others that he was not the one when he didn’t make us feel as though we were the priority as we negotiated the small things like going to the movies or to the park. It seemed innocent enough when you gave him gas money because he was having hard times. But was that done to buy love or out of sincerity? How innocent was it really? How many times did we compromise and slowly lose our identity in the relationship?

So dear heart; I apologize for my part in the demise of our former self. I apologize for the abrupt ending that has rocked and broken us to the very core. I willingly accept responsibility and recognize my part in it because I am the one designed to protect us from these types of painful experiences. I am our protector. I hope that someday you can forgive me and that we can move past this. However, before I take all the blame I am going to write Self Esteem a letter too….because she has some serious explaining to do!

Please Forgive Me,
Intuition

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